Love, Infatuation and Adolescents
Kh. Sang Vaiphei
Adolescence is a period of, “I want it now.” It’s a time of getting it now, and can’t wait for what they want. The urge for something they want is strong. It is a crucial time for human development in areas like - physical, intellectual, emotional, social, sexual, moral and spiritual development. On the other hand, this is a time of, “I don’t care.” They are vibrant and energetic, craving for new things and wanting to test for is very common. It’s a period where we should give good care.
Gary R Collins (1971) said, “Parents and Church leaders are often frustrated in their attempts to understand what teenagers are really like.” Somehow it is unpredictable but not always. It is a time of rapid change as well. Since, it’s a period of, “getting it now” the adolescent understanding of love and infatuation could be puzzled. So, we will share a brief information as an eye opener.
UNDERSTANDING LOVE AND INFATUATION
What do you think about infatuation at the first place? It’s when you can’t let go someone off your mind from admiration, and you begin to centre your priorities around him or her as well. There is a very big difference between infatuation and being in love. Infatuation is when you first see someone that you are attracted to and immediately feel there is a connection based on that whereas love is knowing the good and bad of someone and still loving them all the same. By knowing the difference between being infatuated with someone and loving them, you will know if you are with the right person (Restorations Therapy Center, 2019).
Within our community we don’t specifically differentiate between love and infatuation, we just know it generally as love. While the use of love is common within the community, it is also used very often in place of infatuation. Mostly, teenagers in the rural area are seen getting into early teenage marriage than teenagers in the urban area. The root cause might be – without having a proper goal or aim in life and mainly because of infatuation. On the other hand, those teenagers living in the urban area mostly doesn’t get married in their adolescence. Because they have to finish their schooling, colleges etc. and set an aim in life, or set goals to achieve.
“LOVE” VERSUS “INFATUATION”
To compare between love and infatuation, except no. 2 we will borrow the words of Dr. Anthony Grugni (2008) about Love vs Infatuation.
- Infatuation is almost always instantaneous. It blooms quickly. Love usually takes root slowly and grows in time.
- When infatuated, you are restless thinking of the other person. Love on the other hand is relaxing.
- Infatuation stimulates and thrills but it is also uncertain and insecure. You are filled with a feverish excitement when your partner is near but you feel miserable when he/she is not. Love brings security. The warmth when one’s partner is near does not diminish when he/she is far. You want the other near but you are still near to the other even when far apart.
- Infatuation makes you lose your appetite. You can’t concentrate. You can’t keep your mind on your work. You get short tempered and are unpleasant with the family. When in love you can be sensible about your diet. You can work harder because you want to excel for the loved one. You’re happy and sure so this makes you positive with everyone.
- When infatuated, you want to get married instantly. You can’t wait. You just cannot afford to lose him/her. On the other hand, though you prefer to marry at once, love knows you can wait. You can plan your future with complete confidence.
- Infatuation stems from a desire for self-gratification. He or she is fulfilling an urgent need in your life. Love is always born out of a deep concern for the welfare of the loved one. Outside criticism does not dull your attachment. It sharpens it. Misfortune strengthens the bond of love.
- Infatuation is largely a matter of sex. Your relationship almost always wants to end up in physical intimacy. Sex is also a natural and spontaneous part of love but only a part. You can have fun together even without landing up in bed.
- Infatuated couples usually find it easy to disagree. When you’re in love you are ready to accept the differences and still accept each other.
- Infatuation sparks off thoughts of jealousy and mistrust. When he or she is away you wonder whether he/she is with another. You are jealous when he or she laughs or dances with another. Love understands that there is perfect trust in the relationship. All others with whom one laughs or dances are outside the sacredness of this relationship.
- Infatuation may lead you to things that you would not normally approve of, things that may make you worried someday. Infatuation says: “I love you give me when I am with you.” Love instead always makes you a better person than you were before. Love says, “I love you not only for what you are, but for what I am when I am with you.”
The above list about infatuation are mainly the causes of early teenage marriage and a broken married life. Marriage is not for children and teens but for adults. Teenage marriage might result in divorce and dysfunction of family life. True love waits and leads you to a successful married life.
A WORD TO TEENS
Let not these two words confuse you, infatuation is not a real love. It’s like a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Though it is a short period of time it can let you stumble into a pit. Depending upon emotions and feelings are dangerous, feelings alone can’t build a stable relationship. Beware of peer pressure. Stick to your long-term plan and goal and frequently check whether you are on the right track. Never let someone or something side-tracked you on the way to your goal, if you’re not careful enough infatuation could be one among many.
Now, it is yours to make the right decision.
Reading Recommendation:
Hello sweet baby – Bruce and Carol Britten
References:
James L. Minton Adolescence: Struck in the Middle in Caring for folks from birth to death, ed. James E Hightower, (Nashville, Tennessee: Broadman Press, 1985)
Gary R. Collins, Man in Transition: The Psychology of Human Development (Carol Stream, Illinois: Creation House, 1971) 69
Anthony Grugni Dear Youth Counsellor (Bandra, Mumbai: Better Yourself Books, 2008) 126-127
